Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
