This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
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Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
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Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize