We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
