I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
accomplished twins. life is a go
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
A bitchslap is in order.
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