I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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