yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
