Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
