Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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