I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
