I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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