I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
