Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
