don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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