Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
birth control should be required to get into college
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
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there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
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