If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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