i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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