Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
