Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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