it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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