Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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