stop calling my apartment porn island.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
