I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
