I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
