its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
