girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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