I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
