I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
