Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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