how hairy? two words: wookie tits
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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