Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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