We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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