how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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