I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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