I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
