i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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