Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
