how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
COCAINE IS GR8
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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