I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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