I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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