New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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