she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
