Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
