Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I faked an abortion last night.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
