So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
