you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
