I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
