I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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