I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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