I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
