Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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