I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
