Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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