if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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