you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
