Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
