I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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