sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
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I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
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Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize