Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
