I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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