I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
