Grow some girl-balls and come out already
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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