I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
