Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
