Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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