OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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