My Higher Power is John Stamos
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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