I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
