I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
