I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
