dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
